Sad to say that of the 100.000 marriages closed in a year, almost 50.000 will be dissolved the next. What we need to know folks, is that marriage is in a most solemn and holy covenant between two people and God. It is a covenant of trust companionship, and love. Marriage is a holy institution ordained by God to live this life together. It means that when you marry you will commit yourself to one another for the good times and for the bad times. In sickness and in health. Marriage is by no means an easy institute. Whenever there are two people, or better said, two sinners, who live close together day by day, it is bound to be difficult. Nevertheless God wanted it so. In fact, God first created man, and when He saw that man was alone, He created a companion for man.
God created the wife for the husband to be his companion.“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Woman.Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Gen2:18;21-14)
There are many interesting aspects in the above quoted verses. First of all, God made man first, but when God saw that man was alone He saw that this was not good for the man and thus created He a woman out of the rib of man. The question here is why did God take a rib of man to make a woman. I think God took a rib of man to make the woman as a part of man, in order for them to be in some way closely knit together. Also I think that God took the rib of man to create a species of the same race. We can thus say that every woman has something of the part of man (the rib) in her anatomy. In my view God made it so in order for us to become close. When two things fit perfectly together they can become close, if they do not have anything in common, or when they are in fact opposite poles they will reject each other.
This closeness God intended to be culminated through the sexual act. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”(Gen.2 24). In this way God in tented a marriage to become a life-long union spiritually as well as physically. When two people know each other intimately they have gotten the closest possible way, physically and spiritually. Through this union of the flesh God sees husband and wife as one. This is the reason why God hates divorce. Jesus said in Mt. 19:6: “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Sadly, in our contemporary society, we regard marriage and divorce as something very common, as part of ordinary life. Nowadays we marry and divorce just as it suits us, without giving it much thought. It is almost impossible to find a family that is complete. Marriages cannot take the strain of raising children and the demands of society anymore. But do we really understand what the implications of divorce are in the eyes of our Creator? God only does permit divorce under certain circumstances, which I will speak of later on in this article.
Let’s first go to the purpose of marriage. God intended marriage to be a life-long union in which both the husband and wife should take care of each other’s needs. Exodus 21:10-11 give us an example of what the husband has to provide for his wife: food and clothing. A wife is created to be a companion for the husband and the husband for the wife. There is no closer relationship, not even friendship that can become as close as a marriage. If the marriage is functionable. For me, Salomon wrote one of the most beautiful poems about the wife and her duties in Proverbs 31:10-31
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”
Why is it then that women today find that being just a wife is not good enough? I love to be a wife. I love to take care of my husband and all that contributes to his well-being. What is wrong with that? Let’s make a list of what Salomon here says a wife’s duty is:
- trustworthy
- lovable
- kind
- works diligently and takes care of household chores
- compassionate to others
- supports the career of her husband
- is wise and prudent when she speaks
- raises her children well
To me all these qualifications are beautiful ones indeed. There is no shame nor dishonor in being a (house)wife. We do not need to be career women to prove ourselves or to feel worthy. Before the eyes of God we as (house)wives have our duties already, the ones listed above. This does of course not mean that women may not have careers, so do not get me wrong here. What I am saying is simply that women nowadays see the duty of a (house)wife as something dishonorable. You only count in society today if you have a career of some sort. That is wrong folks. Being a (house)wife is in fact a very worthy career. It takes a lot of hard work to raise your children and being a good (house)wife.
Now that we have listed the duties of a wife, let’s take a look at the duties of a husband. First of all Paul tells us in 1 Cor. 11:3 that the husband is the head of the woman: “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” We see thus that the husband is the one who is responsible before Christ for the wife’s well-being. 1 Tim 5:8 sheds another light upon the duties of a husband: “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” From this verse we see that God takes it very seriously if a husband neglects his wife or his family.
He is depicted as an infidel. This means that he will be judged as an unbeliever. That is a serious judgment folks. God tells the husband to honor their wives, otherwise their prayers will not be answered. “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered”(1 Pet 3:7). From these few Scriptures we see already that God does hold the husband accountable for the well-being of his family. God has entrusted him with a wife and children to take care of them, and if he fails, he will be held accountable for his failure.
Many people do not realize the serious implications this has and if they do, they give it no serious thought. It is of utmost importance that husbands start to realize that God will judge them if they have indeed failed to take proper care of their family. A husband has more responsibilities such as the responsibility to protect his wife and children, take care of their financial or social security, furthermore he has to provide for their every needs. This means clothing, schooling and everything that contributes to the well-being of his family. You see, if a wife feels that her husband provides, protects and loves her, she will feel happy. A happy spouse will bring peace in the family, which is very important. Also, if the husband is happy, there will also be peace and laughter in the family. It goes both ways.
A marriage also has certain rules by which it is to be guided. One important factor for the marriage to be successful is trust. Trust needs to be the basis of a marriage, together with an open communication. An open communication brings the married couple close together. As a couple there are many things that will pass your way in life, and you will have to discuss these openly. Communication therefore, is imperative. Furthermore, the more the couple communicates with each other, the more trust there will be. But trust is also a commitment. When you marry a person, you commit yourself with an oath to your spouse, in which you promise before God to be trustworthy and faithful, till the time of death.
This means that you will be faithful to your spouse also in the body. For this to happen you need to have a healthy sexual life. If a spouse withholds sex from his or her partner, he or she will soon find themselves in want and in search of sex outside the marriage. This then opens the door for fornication and adultery, which are both very serious offenses before God.
The apostle Paul gave us some rules for marriage to live by: “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife” (1 Cor 7:2-4). But Paul also tells us that there will be periods of abstinence, for example when the woman has her period or when both spouses agree to abstain from sex for the purpose of fasting. “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence”(1 Cor 7:5)
Paul explicitly tells us to consent in sex for the benefit of the marriage, otherwise Satan will come and tempt the abstained partner and fornication and adultery will enter the marriage. You need to know that one of Satan’s primary targets is the marriage. Everything that is holy unto God, Satan will try to destroy. So he will watch the marriage closely, looking for an opportunity to enter the marriage and destroy it. And Satan is getting his way, divorce is rocketing high sky today. One of the main reasons nowadays of a divorce is that one spouse has looked outside the marriage for sexual enlightenment.
That not only destroys the trust within the marriage, but often destroys the deeply hurt partner. Fornicating partners seldom realize the pain and the effect they leave behind on their partners.
Men and women who have had this experience are often left behind with feelings of unwantedness and inadequacy. Many people struggle after such an experience with themselves, often acquiring a negative outlook on themselves, blaming themselves for the mistake of their partners. I know of many women who have been cheated on by their husbands, who have been left brokenhearted and with a deep feeling of unwantedness. Very often, when they encounter a new partner, their new relationship will suffer due to a lack of trust. It is very difficult to learn to trust again when you have been cheated on!
God explicitly tells us that we may not divorce, except when fornication is found: “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adulter”(Mt 19:90. Adultery defiles the marriage, it corrupts it. To commit adultery and fornication carries very serious consequences for your final destiny. Take a look at what the Bible has to say about these serious sins: “” Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God”(1 Cor 6:9-10)
The Bible goes furthermore on to say about fornication: “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.”(1 Cor 6:18). Fornication and adultery corrupt the body. It makes it filthy. Our bodies are the temple where the Holy Spirit resides. God cannot reside in an unclean vessel. Jesus paid the price for us to have a rightful relationship with the Father again, He paid a very high price. Whenever we commit one of these sins, we defile also the sacrifice of Jesus on our behalf. That is a serious sin.
Now let me ask you something. How many families are nowadays raised in perfect harmony and peace? How many children are not being raised in broken homes? Many. I am one of those children. My father committed adultery and fornications many times. I have seen the implications of such a behavior not only on my mother but on us women as well. It was very difficult to learn to trust men. Whenever I started a relationship, it soon would become strained due to the lack of trust on my part. It took years of counselling and trusting in God to release me from my lack of trust.
Women who have been left by their partners due to adultery or fornication or whatever reason, often are left with a strong hangover. They have the children to take care of, the home and often their careers. The burden gets too much. Not to forget their feelings of unwantedness or inadequacy, which often will be projected on the children. It is not uncommon for children who are raised in unbroken homes to get divorced later on in life. This is not only sad but a very bad example. We need to teach our children about the right values in marriage. Of course there is no excuse for fornication, but in my view people often turn to divorce for the worst of reasons. Incompetence is one of the most popular reasons.
We need to know that marriage is no honeymoon that will last throughout our whole life. Life is difficult and marriage is by no means easy. You will have to learn to give, even at the expense of getting less back. Nowadays we are being raised with New Age crap that tells us that we ought to receive much more back, even more than we give. People are being told that in marriage you need to get what you want. No, that is wrong folks. We ought to be givers and not receivers. Maybe we ought to take a good look at our partners first before we enter the marriage. Give yourself a thorough look also, at what you expect from marriage. If you are a person that cannot deal with problems then better not marry. Whenever you enter a marriage you will have to be committed to face and try to solve many problems that will come your way.
It is only logical that difficulties will arise. Two people, even though compatible, when living together will sooner or later irritate each other in some way or another. That is only too logical. The strength of a marriage is to try to solve your differences. You must be determined to stay with your partner through the bad times also. That is by no means easy. You must remember that love is not only a feeling, for feelings come and go, but love is, especially in marriage, something to be worked at and often worked at very hard. In my next article I will write about the problems that may arise in marriage and the probable solution to it.