Friendship, oh true friendship, how important you are to us, yet how difficult to attain. A good friend is a valuable thing indeed, but what is a good friend or let's rephrase it: what makes a good friend? The Bible tells us that: “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”(Prov. 17:17). Here we learn that the Bible gives great credence to true friendship. We all know that a valuable friend is indispensable, it is highlo sought after in life. A true friend becomes closer than a brother: “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother”(Prov. 18:24.
However, and this is very important, a true friend must be a true friendly first. This means that if you want to have a friend you have to first become a friend to your friend. Even though we all place our own values which differ from person to person on friendship, true friendship should hold mutual love, trust, esteem and affection for one another. It is the putting first of the other instead of the putting first oneself. Friendship means to be absolutely loyal to your friend, even in his or her adversity. This is where our friendship is usually tried. We all can have friends when times are good, but do we keep them in our times of adversity? Not always, I am afraid. Not everybody will stick around and will try to help you, unfortunately. The reason can be due to superficiality of those friendships, or it can be due to jealousy. Jealousy is something I have seen destroy many friendships. Many friends or so called friends are friends for the good times, you only have fun with them, but you know that you cannot share your troubles with them. When adversity hits you, these are the first one's that will go. Jealousy, is altogether something very dangerous in a friendship.
This jealousy usually manifests itself when things are rough and adversity persistent. It is at these times that this so called friend will ill advice you and rejoice secretly in your adversity. Believe me, I have seen this happen more than once, it did happen to me. When this happens it is very painful, for going through adverisity or trying times is very difficult already, and to find out that your friend bears you nothing but jealousy and secret contempt is not easy at all. But, the good news is, there are many good friendships also! The Bible gives us an excellent example of such a truthful friendship. It is the friendship that David had with Jonathan. "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul"(1 Sam 18:1). Jonathan, who was king Saul eldest son, removed his rich garments and shared them with David. That was how much he loved and valued David as his friend. This of course arose the jealousy of his father, Saul (1 Sam 18:5-9). He started to persecute David ferociously. Every time Jonathan heard of his father's attempts to kill David he warns his friend.
The evidence of their true love and friendship for one another can be read from 1 Samuel 20:4-16:"Then said Jonathan unto David, Whatsoever thy soul desireth, I will even do it for thee. And David said unto Jonathan, Behold, to morrow is the new moon, and I should not fail to sit with the king at meat: but let me go, that I may hide myself in the field unto the third day at even. If thy father at all miss me, then say, David earnestly asked leave of me that he might run to Bethlehem his city: for there is a yearly sacrifice there for all the family.sacrifice: or, feast If he say thus, It is well; thy servant shall have peace: but if he be very wroth, then be sure that evil is determined by him. Therefore thou shalt deal kindly with thy servant; for thou hast brought thy servant into a covenant of the LORD with thee: notwithstanding, if there be in me iniquity, slay me thyself; for why shouldest thou bring me to thy father And Jonathan said, Far be it from thee: for if I knew certainly that evil were determined by my father to come upon thee, then would not I tell it thee?
Then said David to Jonathan, Who shall tell me? or what if thy father answer thee roughly? And Jonathan said unto David, Come, and let us go out into the field. And they went out both of them into the field. And Jonathan said unto David, O LORD God of Israel, when I have sounded my father about to morrow any time, or the third day, and, behold, if there be good toward David, and I then send not unto thee, and shew it thee. The LORD do so and much more to Jonathan: but if it please my father to do thee evil, then I will shew it thee, and send thee away, that thou mayest go in peace: and the LORD be with thee, as he hath been with my father. And thou shalt not only while yet I live shew me the kindness of the LORD, that I die not: But also thou shalt not cut off thy kindness from my house for ever: no, not when the LORD hath cut off the enemies of David every one from the face of the earth. So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, Let the LORD even require it at the hand of David's enemies".
We see that even though Jonathan's own father hated David, Jonathan was truthful to David. He valued David's friendship. This is how friendship should be. Saul was unfair in his persecution and jealousy of David, Jonathan knew this only too well. He remained a truthful friend right to his end. Sad to say that this kind of friendship is nowadays very rare to find. Oh, we all have friends, some of us have them for years on end, but are these faithful, truly faithful? Can you honestly say that your friends will stick by you when the going gets rough?
Furthermore, you need to know that a good friend will share all of his belongings with you. There will be no jealousy nor hidden agendas! Selfishness must not be found in true friendship. Selfishness is a bad root and should be cast out, for it will ultimately destroy the friendship. On the other hand honesty, love and mutual respect will enhance the friendship, always. We all appreciate a friend who takes the time to listen to our problems, who weeps with us, laughs with us and who is there for us whenever we need him or her. It is in these times of our adversity that we get to learn who is our truthful friend and how is not. It is in these times we are the most vulnerable, and we open up completely to our friends. It is very easy to get along with people when things go well but it can be very difficult to deal with people or so called friends when you are facing adversity. Many of these so called friends will not understand your adversity, neither will they take the time to help you with advice nor stick by you. Many people have found out who their true friends are through these hard times. In these times, we usually give ourselves totally and share everything we have, our intimacy with them. Times of laughter is always easy in friendship, but it is those times of adversity that prove the friendship.
Many of us have encountered bad friends in our lives. That is part of growing up, part of maturing and part of learning who is indeed valuable and who'd you'd better dispose off. It is up to you how you react to such people. God tells us that we should bless our enemies (Matt 5:44) To me that goes also for these kind of friends. Mostly these people have no value of a true friend. Maybe it is due to their upbringing, maybe it is due to their low value and moral standards, who knows? What we ought to do is forgive and bless them. Pray for them that they will encounter true friendship in their lives. However, if you have been badly hurt or disappointed by a friend, leave them, but do bless and pray for them, and most of all, forgive them. Move on with your life. Learn from this lesson and next time you encounter someone, be more careful. We live in dangerous times, where life moves fast all around us and we might have difficulty facing up with the speed. It seems that many friendships move along this pace also. Be careful, revalue that person, give yourself time to get to learn someone. Do not make haste, even if you are desperate to have a friend.
Many people suffer from loneliness in these perilous times. If you suffer from loneliness, you might be an easy target to get hurt by an unworthy friend. Be careful for your own sake. Pray to God that He will open the doors for you to find a true friend, and pray for discernment, that whenever you meet someone, that He will show you if that person can be trusted or not.