(1)The first advice is: stay monogamous.
“Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”( Heb 13:4).

Any marriage will suffer if one of the spouses commits adultery. Adultery is a sin and it brings a curse from God. Furthermore if adultery has been committed in the marriage, the trust is broken. Marriage is and should always be based on trust! Trust is besides God the fundament of a good marriage. If this trust has been shattered, your marriage will suffer endlessly.

(2)The second advice is: Love your spouse physically and emotionally as they are.
“And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”(Gen. 2:25)

Not everybody has the luck to have a gorgeous face nor a perfect body. We should accept and love our partners as they are. We all feel very vulnerable when we stand naked before a person, Especially when you stand naked before your spouse the first time. That is normal. We all have our problem zones that we dislike about our bodies which we would like to see different, However, that is something that not everybody can afford, and that should not be something that is needed either. Unfortunately one hears nowadays of spouses, (usually husbands) who encourage their wives not only to diet for they think they are too fat, but to change their body into a voluptuous sensual thing. Cosmetic surgery is a booming business today. Dear friends, this is not as God intended the marriage to be. You were given a body as God pleased. He formed you within your mother’s womb (Ps 139:13). Furthermore, a woman who has had children will often get difficult zones that will not go away so easily anymore. Her body has changed. The focus of love should not be on the physical only, but on the internal too. I think if you love your spouse truly for whom they are, you will love how they look physically as well!

(3)The third advice is: Do not lie about your marital status, ever.
“Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This is his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive”.(Gen.12:12)

Many people like to lie about their marital status. This can be due to problems in the marriage, or it sometimes can be due to the fact that one does not honor the marital status enough. Many couples nowadays are married but live in what is now called ‘an open marriage or relationship’. By this they mean that even though they love each other, nevertheless they are aloud by mutual consent to satisfy their sexual hunger outside the marriage. The result of such an ‘open marriage’ on the long run is, however, that these end up sooner or later in divorce. Sooner or later one of the two will get bored or would want to settle down in a monogamous marriage and that is when trouble starts. You also need to be aware that God absolutely hates adultery and fornication, even if this is done through mutual consent, for both are sins and both are strongly cursed by God. A marriage becomes defiled due to this behavior.

God did not make a marriage to have one’s sexual hunger stilled outside the marriage. God created marriage in order to fulfill our sexual needs with one partner. Another reason for people to lie about their marital status is because of their infidelity. These people cannot stay with one partner and in order to make a move on someone or to have an affair, they lie about their marital status. Nowadays we hear many stories of people who have affairs outside the marriage. Mistresses not only talk openly about it, but to my disgust, are very proud of being one. Many men like to have them, it boosts their ego. Sad to say that nowadays many women have affairs too! If you want to stay within your marriage and you want God to bless your marriage stay away from adultery and fornication!

Another reason is continuous lying in the marriage. Some are born liars, who just have to lie about everything. Do not lie to your spouse, never ever. Honesty and sincerity are a blessing in a marriage. That is what a good marriage stands on. Lies will only destroy it, for sure!!

4) Fourth advice is: Do not prey nor covet your neighbor’s wife.
"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's."( Ex 20:17.and Deut 5:21) 

Yes, I know, there are many good looking men and women out there, but remember, they are if you are married, way outside your league. You should not covet them in any way nor wish to have an affair with them. To be honest, we all will sooner or later meet some pretty handsome people in our lives. They may become friends, neighbors, acquaintances or even colleagues. Some we will only see in the streets or in magazines. The dominant factor is what you do if you come across such people. We all know that love first comes through the eye. We all like to look at handsome and pretty people. However, there is a difference between looking and looking.

There is also a limit as to what is acceptable and what is not. Jesus told us that whomever would lusts against a married woman has already in the eyes of God committed adultery (Mat. 5:28). What does this mean? It means that whomever lusts against a married wife has committed adultery already. It also means that if you are married and you lust against someone else’s wife or you lust against another person, whether being a man or a woman, you are an adulterer. You should honor your spouse, and your marital status, always.. Remember, there will always be more pretty and handsome people out there, but you do not know the inside of them. However, you do know what you have fallen in love with. Do not throw that away. That is precious!

5) Fifth advice is: take good care of your spouse, try to fulfill his or her needs as best as you can
“If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.”( Ex 21:10)

Who will in his or her right mind not want to be taken properly care of? Who will be ever disappointed with someone who will take good care of them? The answer is simple, no one. We all will appreciate a caring and loving spouse. A husband has the legal responsibility before the eyes of God to take good care of his wife. The wife in return has also the same responsibility, however, a little different. The husband earns the living to take care of the family, financially, and the wife is the responsible one that the family and the husband functions accordingly. The head of the family is the husband and he cannot do without the body of the family, which is the wife. Both need and compliment each other. As a spouse you should be looking out and after all the needs of your partner. In this way you will get back what you give and vice versa.

6) Sixth advice is: Think good and hard about your choice of a spouse before you marry.
“They shall not take a wife that is a whore, or profane; neither shall they take a woman put away from her husband: for he is holy unto his God.”(Lev 21:7)

Many people do not think twice about their choice for a spouse and will live to later on regret their choice. This is not only foolish but very unwise as well. A divorce has serious implications and will not only be a source of much grief and sorrow for both parties, but it will also have serious and inevitable consequences for the children, if these are involved. It is therefore imperative that you know all you have to know about your spouse before the marriage. In this way you will not find yourself with much surprises afterwards. A spouse who has encountered many sexual relationships before the marriage can tell you something. I am not saying that everyone is that way, by all means no, but what I am saying is that there might be a possibility that someone who has had many sexual partners in the past, thus before the marriage, may very well be someone who has difficulty to commit.

Maybe it is someone who is difficult to please sexually and morally. Sexual activity outside of a partnership always will affect your moral life! However the case, you have to talk thing thoroughly in order to see what kind of partner you have. In this way you may walk ahead of unpleasant surprises.
If you have your doubts about a future spouse, pray to God and ask Him to give you sound advice. Reassess what you want, what you are looking for in a spouse. Do not let physically appearances and a good time define your choice. Those will for sure pass away. What stays is the person who that person is, form the inside.

7)Seventh advice is: Never hate nor slander your spouse
“If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her,.”(Deut 22:13)

We all will have difficult moments in our married life. We all will have our differences with our spouses, and these will reflect in the sexual life, that is only too logical. However, there is no excuse to hate your spouse, nor slander her in public. If she does not meet up with your expectations, you maybe ought to take a good look at yourself. Maybe it is you who has changed, maybe it is you who has the difficulty. Slander not only is malicious, but it will bring down your marriage, that is, socially. Whenever you slander about your spouse in public or to others, it will reflect upon the marriage. People will look differently at you and your marriage. It may be even labeled unsocial. Respect your spouse, always. Nobody is perfect, we all have our good and bad moments.

8) Eighth advice is: Try to make your spouse as happy as you can.
“Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.”(Ps 128:3)

Husbands who treat their wives well, will in return have a harmonious and well functioning family life. Your wife will be prosperous, good, and helpful and this always reflects on the children too. The same goes for the wife. Treat your husband well, and you will have peace and happiness in the marriage. It goes both ways. Mutual respect, love of God and love of each other should be prominent in a good marriage.

9)Ninth step: Do not be an overbearing nor a domineering spouse
“A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.”(Prov.19:13)

Even though Salomon meant women, I do believe it goes for both sexes. If a husband is too domineering the wife will become insecure and unhappy. If a wife is too domineering, contentious all the time, the husband will spend more time outside the home in order to avoid being with such a wife. Nowadays, with the change of society and the equal rights of women, women have now become more aware of themselves. This is a good thing, but it is not if the scale balances too much on the other side. You may fight for what you think is your right but it has to be within the boundaries.

Too many women just do not see the family structure as God meant it. The husband is and will be, before the eyes of God, the head of the family. “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.”(Eph 5:23)
We as women, should comply and life by that rule. God made this structure for the well-being of all the family, that includes the wife. On the other hand, there are husbands who take this structure a bit too far. They are too domineering, at some point even, lashing out physically unto the wife. This is not right! There should be harmony within a marriage. If you do not agree on an issue, discuss it, and when the issue is over, move on. Do not content continuously nor nag about things all the time. Nagging is a reflection of an inner dissatisfaction within one self. Do not reflect this on your spouse.

10) Tenth step: Respect your wife’s menstrual cyclus, abstain from sex during this time
“And hath not eaten upon the mountains, neither hath lifted up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, neither hath defiled his neighbour's wife, neither hath come near to a menstruous woman”(Ezek 18:16)

Many couples do have sexual intercourse when the woman is menstruating. This is wrong, very wrong! It not only has physical implications but spiritual as well. God forbids this practice because of the running of blood (see Lev. 18:19)Blood is sacred to God. Furthermore the physical implications of having sexual intercourse while menstruating are a higher risk of endometriosis (tissue outside the uterus) and a longer blood flow. This is not to be taken lightly. God strictly forbids this for the well-being of both partners. Many husbands do force their wives to have sexual intercourse during this period. This is not good. Satan uses this period more often to arouse sexual lust towards each other. Have you ever noticed that during your menstruation period you are more sexually aroused than at other times?

That might be partly due to the hormones in your body, but men are also more prone to have sex with a woman while she is menstruating, and we all know that men do not menstruate. What God forbids, Satan encourages. It is therefore not uncommon that he will encourage both of you to have sexual intercourse in this period. Another point of consideration is this: AIDS. If your partner has had relationships outside the marriage and you are engaged in sexual activity during your monthly cyclus, you might very well be at risk!

11)Eleventh advice: Be kind, lovable and liberal towards your spouse
“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”(1 Cor 7;3)

I think that to be kind and lovable is already clear now, but to be liberal in a marriage needs to be discussed further. To be liberal in a marriage is not to condone everything (especially bad things), but to be open minded towards the growth and development of your partner. Every person changes and grows each year. That is part of life. We will grow, change and mature until the day we die. In marriage this can be a source of huge problems. Not everybody will give their spouse the space to develop him- or herself. We should though, for in this way both partners will be happy. Everybody needs to have space to develop own ideas, own hobbies, own expectations of life such as careers etc. If a spouse does not allow this, the marriage will suffer, big time. Give each other the space needed to develop each other. Try to go alongside your spouse, in this way you will grow together!

12) Do not use sex as a tool to get even or to control your spouse:
“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.”(1 Cor 7:4)

Many spouses use sex as a weapon to get their way. This is wrong. Other spouses loose interest in sex during the marriage. This is also wrong, for this discourages to look for sexual satisfaction outside the marriage. You need to understand that in most cases and in any marriage there will be periods in which the sexual appetite of one of the spouses will be low. The strength in this period is however, to communicate openly about it and to be patient. Never use abstention of sex as a weapon to punish or to get even with your spouse.

This is not only wrong but it is low as well. God united you to a spouse to both have sexual intercourse with each other. Sex is meant to enjoy each other, to enjoy it, but, within the marriage only. If you think you have to give in too much to your spouse’s sexual appetite, discuss this, talk about it. If you think you can get even by punishing your spouse in this way, let me tell you that you will only worsen the situation. God sees that as sin. Do not do that.I understand that in some cases, such as in adultery and fornication, it can be very difficult for the cheated spouse to have sexual intercourse with the partner again. In this case counseling is needed.

13)Honor and respect each other:
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered”(1 Pet 3:7)

This command is mostly for the husband. Why? Because God holds the husband accountable for the well-being of the family. He is the head of the family! If a husband respects his wife, the wife in return will give him much joy. We women are very sensitive creatures and we need to feel loved and respected by our husbands. That is part of our nature. If we do, we will do our utmost best to please them, but if we do not feel that, we become bitter, angry and contentious. Furthermore, God tells us here that if the husband honors his wife, that is, respects her properly, his prayers will be answered! Wow, what a command!!