Many of you will not like what I have to say about this but it needs to be said anyway's. Nowadays, false concepts of self-esteem and self-love have crept into the Church. All kinds of humanistic and New Age ideas have slowly but gradually found their way into Christian psychology and Christian living today. Many, many Christian Pastors, Counselors and Evangelists have adopted the un-biblical idea that a healthy Christian life comes from a healthy sense of self-love, self-esteem and self-acceptance.
All kinds of questionable concepts have found their ways into our homes and churches through books, media etc in which it is preached that social ailments such as suicidal tendencies, depression and whatever ailments we might have, have its roots in a lack of self esteem or self-love. People who suffer from any of such ailments have been depraved from love at some stage in their lives and must now learn to reclaim it back in order to become spiritually healthy. In consequence of this questionable teaching, many churches today, have now established courses in which ‘a healthy outlook on the self-esteem and self-love’ is being taught. In biblical circles it is all about the self now and how to learn to love and put oneself first. Do you think this is biblical? I don’t. Even worse, I cannot find any place in the Bible where its states that we must love ourselves first or more then others.
Does not the Bible in fact teach us to “Love each other as brothers and sisters and honor others more than you do yourself? ”(Rom. 12:10). So now let me ask you where does this concept of self-love and self-esteem come from? Not from the Bible!
According to the Bible “Love isn't selfish or quick tempered. It doesn't keep a record of wrongs that others do”(1 Cor 13:5).Let me tell you that this goes in sheer contrast to what is being taught and lived out in Churches and by Christian today.
Biblical verses are nowadays being misquoted in order to propagate this kind of ‘inner healing for the soul’ teaching to make it look biblical. Truth is that these teachings only focus on the person itself and have nothing to do with God. Nowadays, it is deemed very important to love oneself first and then the others, otherwise you cannot love others or so it is being taught. Even though there might be a bit of truth in the idea that you must also love yourself, the concept of putting love of self first in your life is not. The Bible clearly teaches us to love others MORE than ourselves and not the other way around. Also does the Bible teach us that we ought to love God with all our heart and with all our soul (Mt. 22:37)? So where does this concept of self-love fit in with our Christian living?
Do you not think that if God thought that the love of self must come first He would have told us so? I do. Instead, He told us to put others first. Jesus did it, and so did Paul, and with him all the Apostles. Jesus was in fact our champion of an example of how to live a live full of self-denial for that is exactly what He did while He was on earth. He never walked this earth with an arrogant sense that He was God nor the Son of God. Instead He was humble and chose to walk this earth in a humble way. There is no place in the Bible in which there is a mention of Jesus nor the Apostle’s teaching about the need to feed our sense of worth and love. More so, Jesus taught us that we need to deny ourselves if we are to walk and live as a Christian (Mt 16:24). So no putting ourselves first.
The Apostles did not teach these principles either for they knew that this teaching was against God. Don’t you think that if they (Jesus and the Apostles) would have suffered from any lack of sense or worth, love, esteem etc. the Bible would have mentioned it? It would only be fair to have mentioned it, for they suffered a lot of persecution, hatred and more in order to spread the gospel. I do believe that if they had embraced these teachings, Jesus would have never offered his life for us, nor would have the Apostles, for the love of self goes before any sacrifice for others. Think about it, it makes a lot of sense.
Instead, Jesus and the Apostles died horrific deaths for our sakes, and they all were brave enough not to complain even under the auspice of death. Nowhere does the Bible mention that any of them complained that they experienced a lack of acceptance by others and that as a consequence of that, they lost their sense of worth or sense of self esteem or their sense of love of self. Nowhere. When they got rejected, they simply moved on to the people who would accept them. They never went reeling that they were rejected or that they lacked self-worth or self-love. In fact from their lives, we know that what they did lack was self-love, for self-denial was their motto. Even during trials and persecutions they denied themselves for the sake of others. No person today that is full of himself, would voluntarily trade a comfortable and secure life for a life of insecurity, rejection, persecution and what ever may come.
Jesus and the Apostles knew they were accepted in the beloved (Eph. 1:6).They got everything from God who provided in everything for them, thus also their spiritual needs. They had the Holy Spirit who comforted them whenever they needed comfort. Their lives were in fact never centered around themselves. A good example of wrong priorities given to us from the Bible is the example of Martha in Luke 10:42. Jesus told her priorities were not right and that she should look and take an example of her Maria Magdalena. Maria Magdalena was sitting at Jesus feet, hanging on every word Jesus spoke, while Martha was preparing dinner. She was hearing what Jesus had to say, whilst Martha was busy trying to make a good impression. Jesus said Martha straight by telling her that she should focus on the Word of God first and foremost in her life.
So from this example we see that our priority should be the Word of God. God and His Kingdom. God’s Word is nourishment for our souls. Just as the body needs nourishment to stay alive, so does our soul and spirit need proper nourishment which is the Word of God. A body can easily be starved for days and not die. Many people fast, sometimes even for weeks. Fasting can be healthy for the body, of course only when done in the right fashion. But a soul that is not properly nourished will soon wither and die. Have you ever wondered at what it means to die of ‘a broken spirit’? People have died from this form of starvation due to lack of proper nourishment for their spirit. This lack has left them totally starved and thus the body died. If only they could have fed their soul and spirit with the right nourishment, the Word of God, they would have survived. Their spirits simply starved to death because of this lack and then the body died also. We see thus that a body needs the soul and spirit to be properly fed in order to live.
God knew this and that is why He has commanded us to first look and seek His Kingdom and thus His Word first. God knows that His food is essential for our survival. In His Word lies our proper nourishment. This nourishment will keep us alive, even through physical famine. It will give us strength, power to live on and hope. In the Word of God lies our proper sense of worth. Knowing this, it is thus said to say that nowadays many psychologists discourage their clients from turning to God and His Bible in order to get rid of whatever ailments their clients might have. Their reasoning is that the Church will only make things worse.
I myself was diagnosed with a depression years ago, and my psychologist told me not to go to Church. My only medicine was to be anti-depressants and finding my own self-esteem back again. The only one who could help me was he and Jung. This is a dangerous lie folks. The only rightful medication for depression IS the Word of God. I know it for it did help me. Now, do not get me wrong here, I do acknowledge that not all depressions are spiritual. In fact there are depressions that have its cause in actual physical conditions. But I am not talking about this kind of depression. People who suffer from this kind of depression do well to seek help and the right medication.
Another well-spread psychological lie they claim, is that every person needs to get a sense of self-worth, love and esteem first before he or she can give it to others. Only in this way you will be somebody in life. You cannot achieve anything unless you have found your own sense of worth and if you haven’t achieved anything you cannot be taken responsible for that, for the responsible one is your lack of self-love, esteem, or worth. Very convenient don’t you think? What a lot of crap folks. A rightful question here is to ask ourselves what are these persons actually promoting? And the very sad thing is that these teachings have found their way into Christianity today. Why? Because they sell. That’s why.
Nobody wants to hear that in order to follow Christ one must deny oneself. We all like to focus our attention on ourselves. That is what Paul called walking in the flesh. Let’s be honest, if we are to sell the truth, nobody would want to hear it. Thus it is easier to twist it around and make the self the center of worship. The only thing this questionable popular new teaching will promote, is people turning into self-lovers and putting their needs first instead of the needs of others. People will become takers instead of givers. These are humanistic and New Age principles and values. Didn't’t you know that these movements only promote the self? Well what do you think these teachings do?
Sad to say that these teachings are widespread in our churches today. Please realize that this teaching is contrary to the Word of God. We must put God first, at all times, even before our own needs. God promised us in Matthew 6 that He will take care of our needs, for He knows of them much better than we know about them, and foremost, He knows when our needs arise, much earlier than we will know. You need to know that this concept of self and putting the self first will only enslave you to yourself? God came to set the captives free. But is this teaching not in fact enslaving you? Yes, it is. This concept will turn you into a person that puts yourself first throughout your entire life. This is a totally unbiblical concept.
This teaching goes against the First and Second Commandment of God. The danger of this lie is that you will only look out in life for your own needs, put your needs first before you are able to meet the needs of your brothers and sisters in Christ. And ask yourself this question: “Will there be any time left to lookout for the needs of others when you are so busy looking for your own needs first?” I do not think so. Christian life is based on the concept of denying oneself for the benefit of the Kingdom of God. Furthermore, I cannot find Jesus, nor Paul nor any of the Apostles searching for their sense of worth, self esteem or whatever in the Bible at all. There is no place in the Bible that tells us that we ought to seek our needs first.
False teaching about our needs and how they are met by God are spreading like fire today. I myself have heard many TV Evangelists preach and misquote Phil. 4:19 many times. The Bible states that :”But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Many prosperity Evangelists quote this verse in order to proclaim and propagate the lie that God will give you whatever you ask for if only you ask. That is wrong. God specifically says that He will meet our needs, if we ask Him. Our needs, not our desires! In my view, a need is something essential, something we need to survive, such as food and drink and clothing. These are real needs. The Bible speaks about such needs in 1 Tim. 6:8; “And having food and raiment let us be therewith content” and “Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things”(Matt.6:30-32)
Do you get my point? This teaching is also centered around the self. What is it what I want from God, what riches can God give me in order to fulfill my desires? It is all centered around the self. This concept as well as the concept of finding one’s self-worth, love and self esteem is unbiblical and has nothing to do with Christian living. In fact the Bible tells us that We humans are only a breath; none of us are truly great. All of us together weigh less than a puff of air.”(Ps. 62:9). This does not mean that we are nothing, for we are God’s children and we are created in His image, and that must account for something. But we were created to worship Him and not to worship ourselves, and this is what this new teaching in fact does. Worship the self. It is our duty to adore and worship God and not ourselves. We have not been given life to center it around ourselves. We have been given life to center it around God. God does not need us, He chose to use us for His purposes. Not the other way around.
You do not need to focus on yourself to feel good about yourself. You need to focus on the Word and the love of God. That will heal your damaged emotions. That will bring perspective in your life. I myself have lacked self-esteem and self-love almost throughout all my life due to heavy rejection from both my parents, especially from my mother. For years I went to psychologists and Biblical healing seminars in an effort to find my self-esteem back, only to leave more starved and deprived of it than before. Only, and only after I went to God in prayer and asked Him to heal me of my wounds and to show me His love, I was healed. God showed me Jesus hanging on the cross for me, out of mercy and love for me. That was all I needed, and from that day on, my lack of love and self-esteem have gone completely.
That experience made me realize how selfish I was and how self-centered my Christian outlook on life was. I now know where my priority lies, with Jesus. Only Jesus can heal me and not some humanistic nor New Ageing concept of self-worth. Jesus promised us that when He would go to the Father, He would sent us the Comforter, otherwise known as the Holy Spirit, who would comfort us, and tell us all things we need to know. Don’t you think that when you lack self-esteem or self-love the Holy Spirit would want to make you feel loved? I know it for sure, for it was God through the Holy Spirit who healed my lack and gave me the right outlook on Christianity, that is, not to think too much about oneself, rather think about Jesus and His Kingdom and the importance to spread this Gospel of His in this world for the sake and salvation of others.
All you need to get a proper sense of self-esteem is to look at Jesus and what He did. Dig into the Scriptures and find out what God has to say about you. You will find that when you are walking in His Commandments and are full of the Holy Spirit, your lack of self-esteem or self-worth or even self-love will completely disappear. You will find that even though you may not have self-confidence, whenever you need to take a step in faith, the Holy Spirit will give you this confidence and the strength to do so.
If you suffer from depression due to lack of self-esteem, realize that God has given His Son for you. God loves you, you are through His shed blood on the cross accepted in the beloved. God will provide you with all spiritual blessings you need. Place your focus on God instead on yourself and your problems. God promised us that He would take care of them, He will deliver you out of all your troubles (Ps.22:4; Ps. 91:15 etc). As long as your focus is on God, He will deliver you. Keep that in mind. Try to discern these teachings, seek for yourself what the Bible says about them. Many people are too lazy to look and dig in the Bible to see what God has said about them and their situation, when in fact that is the only solution to their problem. Do not be like them, God will honor your trust in Him. Remember this: “Christ encourages you, and his love comforts you. God's Spirit unites you, and you are concerned for others”( Phil 2:1)